Social Networking

SO-CIAL NET-WORK
[soh-shuhl] [net-wurk]
service focuses on building online communities of people who share interests and/or activities, or who are interested in exploring the interests and activities of others. Most social network services are web based and provide a variety of ways for users to interact, such as e-mail and instant messaging services. Social networking has encouraged new ways to communicate and share information. Social networking websites are being used regularly by millions of people, and it now seems that social networking will be an enduring part of everyday life.

I HATE THESE AND I L♥VE THEM.

I love them because it is all I wanted all along: to be included, informed, etc…And with these sites I get incessant updates about their lives which include pictures and stories. I get to eavesdrop on conversations with a clear conscious. We disclose joys & sorrows while sharing milestones & triumphs. It’s everything I always wanted.

I hate them because I have always reached out and tried to maintain contact with my friends and family wanting to be involved in their lives with little to no success. I find myself begging to spend time with my “l♥ved ♥nes”, calling repeatedly to no avail, and finally losing track (and maybe interest) for years only to log on one day and see a friend request from these people: the people who ignored me and went on living their lives without me. Why do they now want to be my friend? I guess they really don’t want to be my friend. It makes me think that people join these networks, not to “network socially” but to create a memorial to their lives. Who knows? It’s just a thought.

I joined at the coercion of my friend Caryn who has been reduced to a “Facebook” friend. She rarely returns my e-mails or text messages, but every day I can log on, view her profile, and for a moment feel like I’m a part of her life.

Till Death Do We Part?

I find it difficult to peruse my circle of associates (friends and family) and find many successful marriages. A close friend claims that his disillusioned marriage and divorce remains the only solution to resolve this travesty! His decision upset me because I see this as a cop out. But while I pondered his decision I thought to myself, maybe “til death do we part” has nothing to do with staying married. Marriage, the act, is an outward expression of an inward feeling (similar to baptism). So til death do you part, means til death do you part even if the law says that you have terminated your legal duties and responsibility to that person.

I believe when people divorce each other, they turn their covenant relationship into bondage. Religious circles term this idea, a soul tie. A soul tie is the knitting together of two souls that can either bring wonderful blessings or dreadful destruction.

Wonderful blessings: promote or contribute to happiness promote a condition, circum stance well-being, or prosperity.

Dreadful destruction: promote or contribute to sadness, discomfort, or deprivation

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 It's better to have a partner than go it alone. Share the work, share the wealth. And if one falls down, the other helps, but if there's no one to help, tough!

Divorce hits your pockets. One must contend with filling fees, attorney fees, lost property, and etc…Now instead of sharing finances the money the two of you earn will be split between two households. Rent/mortgage for one will usually be cheaper than rent/mortgages for two. Divorce changes personal relationships. Aside from the obvious change in your relationship with your spouse and members of your spouse’s family, divorce often means changes in your relationships with other people as well. Some of the people you have considered friends for years may now view you as wrong because oftentimes friends feel the urge to “choose a side”. Every time you meet someone new it will come up that you are divorced and that new person will wonder what happened. To some a divorce adds a vice to your column. Divorce hurts children. The child in many cases cannot live a stable life because he/she moves between parents oftentimes hearing the insensitive inconsistent remarks made about either parent from family and friends.

After I came to this conclusion, I read the marriage vow.

I, take you, (name), to be my [husband/wife], my constant friend, my faithful partner and my love from this day forward. In the presence of God, our family and friends, I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow. I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, and to cherish you for as long as we both shall live.

This generic promise describes the unconditional love we should all have for each other especially our friends. The only difference is that we don’t have ceremonies substantiating our friendships and associations. Whether we talk to each other for the remainder of our natural lives or not, we remain eternally bound to one another. Every person, friend or foe, we have come into contact with shaped us into the person we are today. They are in our lives in the form of our reactions and predispositions. Some people deem this as “baggage”. We are forever bound due to an unspoken vow to be with each other, until death do we part.

Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom.

In the last week alone, I have been accused of being rather blunt aggressive & tactless". Which if those are the only things on my rap sheet, I take a bow!

Tact
a keen sense of what to do or say in order to maintain good relations with others or avoid offense. 

If it is a choice between ALLOWING SOMEONE TO WALLOW IN A VICE or MAINTAINING GOOD RELATIONS, I choose the former over the latter. Being friends doesn't mean a life of roses and sunshine. Sometimes being friends means that we'll have to tell each other things that we don't want to hear: Those things we don't want to hear may include personal failures or tough advice. I L♥ve you and I want to see you act like the awesome person I know you are; I want to see you live up to your full potential and steadily improve! I would hope that if you see something lacking in me, you would point it out.

For example, if Kobe Bryant stepped onto the court and played as if he'd never even seen a basketball in his life, the crowd will not applaud, the coach will not pat him on the back, his team will not lift him to their shoulders in an effort to "maintain good relations".

BLUNT
being straight to the point.

I hate when people dance around what they want to say, so I don't do it. You won't catch meavoiding or evading the TRUTH. Anyone who knows me, knows me as a CANDID person, but my candor is not mean spirited. I only want to build others up, not tear them down. When someone is not "blunt" he/or she is APPROACHING THE TRUTH not actually SPEAKING THE TRUTH; their speech is evasive and circumvents the issue. This person speaks with insincerity. Someone called me "aggressive" yesterday because I asked him what he wanted from me. If I want to know something I will ask you, I don't assume anything or dance around the issue. I don't play games and I think life would go a lot smoother if people would be blunt. I feel like people who play games and dance around the truth are insecure. This will sound naive to most, but when I'm someone's friend I trust that we are really friends and nothing will come between us; I know this is not always the case but I live my life as if it is, true. But in the case that it is that easy to drive a wedge between us I'd rather know sooner than later. Furthermore, I'd prefer you to become a better person and know your vices than remain my friend and not live up to your full potential.

AGGRESSION

hostile behavior or outlook especially when caused by frustration

So all I asked the guy was what he wanted from me and what makes him different. I can't say if those questions or my tone were "hostile" (having an offensive nature), even if they were, the questions were pretty simple. But he doesn't want to be honest, he wants to play games...He actually said outloud "I try to be as honest as possible", so there was my answer...

L♥ve rejoices in the TRUTH (1 Corinthians 13:6)...the TRUTH sets you free (John 8:32) I don't conceal the TRUTH! (Psalm 40:10)

I'd love for you to speak on this issue!

Men & Sex

Here's the thing about sex. Men act like they can't live without it, but men lead busy lives. They go to school, they hold down jobs. They spend hours upon hours playing video games or following sports! If a man truly could not live without sex he could not do these things! LOL He would be roaming around the office humping corners, attacking his females coworkers and dry humping innocent bystanders if he truly had NO CONTROL. He couldn't complete any school work from masturbating to alleviate his incessant need to copulate! It comes down to a choice and what he thinks is important. And I'm not in anyone's head so I can't say what he thinks is important, but if you think about it, it's true.

Hunger like sex is a natural drive but if someone identifies a goal, losing weight, gaining muscle, religiously fasting etc...he or she can control that drive. I won't go into this exhaustively because I know you get the point. I'm just tired of men acting like they can't control themselves when it comes to sex. And guys before you get all agitated, I know women do the same thing (not this woman, fyi) but please don't start passing blame around.

♥♥♥EXAMPLE♥♥♥

(If youu & your lady friend set a house on fire it doesn't matter if she had the gasoline & youu had the match. All you had to do is not strike the match. Yes she is wrong for bringing the gasoline with the intent to set the house on fire, but you can't control someone else's actions or intentions, you can only control yourself)

This is just something that was on my mind...it seems like every guy I meet wants sex and when do they want it? NOW. And that's one party favor I'm not handing out! Then they move on. I wish I could meet someone who trully wanted something deeper and took time to find out if I'm worth the wait or a goal worth working toward!

THE NICE GUY vs THE THUG

A lot of men say ALL women want a thug
and whereas I take precautions not to put groups of people into [boxes]
I can see how a thug may seem better than a nice guy.

The Thug doesn't have to call in because he's the boss

• If I NEED HIM in the middle of the day, it’s no big deal for him to leave his corner, porch, or momma’s house to come and attend to my needs. A guy who owns a “legitimate” business tends to pour himself into it and will easily overlook his adoring mate to push the business…the nice guy has reckless ambition.

He's a gentle giant.

• Reminiscent of an elephant, any observer knows the thug can handle himself but he treads lightly; he can clearly squash any opponent but they don’t go stomping about to prove it. Whether by intention or by nature, the nice guy flaunts his clout.
• He might be violent and sometimes physically abusive, but he always apologizes where as the nice guy doesn’t even apologize for his “little” indiscretions: consistently coming home late without calling, forgetting a birthdays, etc…Acts like his woman's hurt is not important.
  

He's a big talker.

• Even if it’s just “intimate details” or “shallow observances” the thug is always talking about HIS WOMAN. She’s HIS TROPHY. She’s a MEMENTO OF HIS PERSONAL ACHIEVEMENTS, a SPOIL OF WAR. Because of what he’s worked for, he deserves her and because she belongs to him, he MUST take care of her. The nice guy’s friends may not even know her last name. She changes her hairstyle and the thug notices…she buys a new dress and the thug mentions it.
• The only memento the nice guy needs as a testament of his work are raises, promotions, and false respect of his colleagues. [His colleagues who smile in his face and will readily stab him in the back].

He’s a straight shooter

• In many ways the nice guy is a sell out…he plays the games of the world to gain the spoils of the world.

• Keeping it real in a fake world was the theme of Katt William's jokes/pep talk. To distill his message without the expletives, it was that the audience had to prepare their "Star Player" (themselves) and SURROUND THEMSELVES WITH A "TEAM" (FAMILY, FRIENDS, LOVED ONES) to deal with all the nonsense that "haters" would throw at them.

• The thug deflects the nonsense while the nice guy absorbs it.

Both are flawed but the thug’s flaws are easier to deal with because you trust the thug to be consistent while the nice guy is easily swayed…I have never myself chosen a "thug" but every time I'm hurt by a nice guy, I wish I had...

Closed Mouths Don't Get Fed

I started a conversation with my mom about how I always ask questions. Recently in self-examining I noticed that not only do I ask a lot of questions, but oftentimes when I do people become aggravated. My mom recalled this scenario:

A person says “I hate this show” & I respond “oh what show”. The person could not tell me the name of the show, anything about the show, or what he/she doesn’t like about the show. In my opinion a person should be able to explain his/her feelings.

Then my mom said, “He was just trying to make conversation.” She continues to suggest that I not ask people questions and just say “oh really”. But if I just say “oh really” then what would be the point of having a conversation? She had no answer. So then I said to her, maybe I should lie & say, “me neither”. Maybe I should disregard the comment, and proceed to discuss shows I don’t like.

I basically decided to take my own advice: When I used to teach, one of the first things I told my students was, “Closed mouths don’t get fed. Please don’t be afraid to ask questions.”

One of my good friends said that I “always make [her] think about things [she] never really gave any thought to before whether [she] replies or not. So [she] really appreciates it”.

I have decided that there is nothing wrong with me asking questions but there is a huge problem with not being able to explain your feelings. I’m not saying that anyone owes me an explanation, but I think everyone owes an explanation to him/herself.